Thursday, January 28, 2010

Feeling Blue

Been sort of morose and uninspired lately. Ideas come but I can't seem to motivate myself to pursue them with much enthusiasm. Haven't even been reading as much in the last couple weeks.

I think it's a combination of:
  • My Job Status, or Lack Thereof. I always get a little anxious when I haven't worked for a bit, but the last year or so the freelance scene has been so unreliable and inconsistent that it's beginning to wear on me. I had thought that my pseudo-career was fairly well insulated against the types of layoffs that have been plaguing people I know in the publishing industry, but that assumption isn't holding up very well at the moment.
  • The Economy in General. Hearing depressing economic news week after week is, well, depressing.
  • Politics. Ugh. Why is it that when Democrats are down they stay down for 3-4 years at least, while the Republicans just seem to bounce back within a couple years no matter what they were responsible for? Oh, right, it's because the Democrats can never get organized and the Republicans always conveniently forget how they triggered so many of the problems they complain about because they believe in principles, not empirical evidence.
  • Getting Older. Gotta see the doctor about what may or may not be a prostate issue on Monday. Right wrist always hurts a bit, other parts just gradually breaking down.
  • Writer's Block. Somehow it was easier for me to lose myself in reading and writing escapist fiction when the world around me seemed generally okay but just less fulfilling and more brain dead than I wished it would be. The world still seems mostly brain dead, but I have more worries.
Hopefully this is just a phase that I will be able to transition from into something better.


Mikael Behrens said...

I hope it's just temporary too -- your brain has too many interesting ideas! So I would think getting older is an advantage for writing. You have more life experience and a broader perspective on things.

Doug said...

Thanks, Mikael. You have a kind soul to go with a curious mind.

Regarding writing, I had thought that as well, but I think I spent too many years daydreaming about writing fiction while I was writing work-related nonfiction, assuming that I was honing the writing "talent" that other people had told me I possessed since I was a kid.

But it doesn't seem to work that way. Each form requires its own practice. And I'm worse at dealing with rejection than I used to be. I think when I was younger I had more fire in the belly to prove people wrong and I had successes in other endeavors to bolster my confidence.

The life I lead today doesn't provide a lot of concrete positive feedback--with kids, every day goes up and down, and I haven't worked in a while. So when I have a setback I focus on it more than I probably should.